This is written for the purpose of helping you cope with the fact that you have been cheated on. . .

Trust me, nothing will cut deeper than being cheated on. It doesn’t matter how messy a relationship gets or how many other inadequacies you might have within it, nothing will come close to the pain that can be caused by being cheated on.

How do we cope. .  ?   What is the right thing to do. .  ?   Is it your own fault. .  ?   Will I ever get over it ?  Should I have seen it coming. . ?   Have I reacted the right way. . ?  Again,..how the hell do I cope. . ?

When you’ve been cheated on you find out just how much you really love someone. If you really do love someone, this is when it can get hard.

If you don’t really love her, you’ll find it easier to cope because you will have a tendency just to leave her or you’ll just attempt to even the score by doing the same back to her. No love lost really, because there was none in the first place. It’s when you really love her that your going to face the immense struggle within.

If you love her, your natural reaction, despite what you think, will not be to leave her. This is why it gets so hard. Because you are so mad at her and feel so betrayed but really there is nothing you can do about it. Absolutely nothing.

The problem is within you and this is where the problem needs to be addressed…

You know that you want to be with her, so if you leave her, your lying to yourself. If you do leave it will only be based on uncompromising pride, stubbornness, and an urge for revenge, via taking away your affection. When you look back in hindsight a couple of weeks later you’ll realize that you’ve made a decision based on fear, doubt and pride….not wisdom. And you know that no matter how much you punish her, you are only punishing yourself simultaneously.

If you love her you will not have the urge to want to even the score by doing the same to her. You will be to hurt to focus on gaining any form of revenge based sexual encounter. It’s not going to fix what happened to you and will only bring more confusion and distance between the two of you.

If you do even the score by doing the same to her, you will have a tendency to forgive her, however that forgiveness will be coming from a place of guilt, regret, and revenge, rather than a place of love. This kind of forgiveness carries inharmonious vibrations and is loaded with bad karma. The forgiveness itself is a lie…

If you continue to punish her in other little ways as a means of getting back at her you are only continuing to punish yourself. If you keep on forcing her to recognize your hurt, as a means to punish her, how can she possibly be happy herself, to help and allow you to be happy. If you love her, you can’t really be happy together, unless she is.

Where does this leave you…?  It leaves you at a massively frustrating dead end if you continue to attempt to repair the problem externally. Now the following is going to be hard to accept. You will hear the undeniable truth resonating throughout the following paragraphs. Sometimes we don’t want to hear the truth…it makes it too hard.

I’m not saying for a second that what she did is right, but there is no progress for you to be made by continuing to analyze and judge what she did or didn’t do. She’s probably did do something that is just plain wrong in your eyes, because you wouldn’t of done that to her. However, nothing is to be gained for you whatsoever in labeling or judging her actions.

All this hurt, pain, and anguish that you feel, is your own doing. They’re your feelings. Your responsible for them, you create them, you feel them, you control them. No person has control over what you think or feel, only you.

This is the only thing in the entire world that you have absolute control over, no matter what, that is, your thoughts and feelings. Therefore you are responsible for feeling this way, not her. Only when you accept this will you allow yourself to evolve and heal.

Once you accept this you will come to understand that because you are in control of you feelings and thoughts, you now can release yourself from the position of just being a victim of the circumstance. When you see yourself as a victim there can be no progress for you. Everything will always be someone else’s fault and your feelings and thoughts will always be at the mercy of someone else’s actions or in actions. Is that how you wish to move through life ?

When you come to realize that only you are responsible for the way you think and feel, you will come to realize that you are in a position of power. You will come to realize that all negative thoughts and feelings are only a matter of perception and lack of mental discipline. You will come to realize just how much of your power you are giving away to external factors.

You will come to understand that thoughts such as jealousy, insecurity, doubt and fear are all manufactured by your weak state of mind. No matter what your girlfriend has done, the only way for you to heal and progress is to accept responsibility for your thoughts and feelings. And of course, this is easier said than done.

Once you accept responsibility for you feelings of hurt, pain, anguish and jealousy etc, you can begin to cease blaming her for making you think and feel these emotions. They are yours, they belong to you, she cannot force you to feel them, you are responsible for feeling them. Once you accept this you can begin to heal.

Now lets learn how to heal…

Do you love your partner…? If so, there should be no problem. Or does your love have conditions attached to it…? Does your love cease to be if your partner does something imperfect by your judgments and expectations…? If it does, well your love is conditional. There is no such thing as conditional love, you simply do not love her…

Are you to forgive her…? First of all, for you to forgive her, you are assuming to be superior to her. Therefore you are judging her, and deciding that she is worthy of your forgiveness. Again I ask you, who are you to be judging her…? Is your love for her judgmental, . .well again then, your love is conditional. You do not love her.

Do you feel betrayed by your partner…? If so, it is a sign that you have expectations of your partner. Being able to forgive correctly means letting go of those expectations you have of your partner within yourself. This is why you find it hard to forgive because you find it hard to let go of your expectations.

Once you let go of your expectations there will be nothing left for you to forgive and it will be impossible for you to feel betrayed again as you no longer have any expectations.

The emotional pain that you feel when deeply and truthfully analyzed, is your failure to manipulate and control your partner into behaving and acting accordingly to your expectations.

Your forgiveness or non-forgiveness is a form of manipulation that is used as a lever in an attempt to control and manipulate someone into behaving accordingly to your expectations.

If you have no expectations of your partner then there is no reason for you to ever feel betrayed. When you have no expectations from your partner then you will no longer have the need to forgive them.

Do you claim to be a greater and more superior than your partner, is that for you to judge. Truth is, that is beyond your comprehension. That is not possible for you to judge. Once you accept that you are equal to her, and not superior to her, you will come to accept that you are no one to be judging her actions.

What purpose did those seemingly hurtful actions of hers pose to serve. What lesson is trying to be taught to her…? What lesson is trying to be taught to you…? Are you to judge anything, or are you to act out of unconditional love and extreme discipline of your mind control.

So where does this leave you…? It seems as though your partner can just go about doing whatever she feels like doing, whenever she feels like doing it. The fact is, the responsibility to do the right thing by you, rests with her. No amount of manipulation via your forgiveness will ever force her to do the right thing. However, the responsibility of your emotional health is yours alone.

Ask yourself this….

If my partner held the above principles in her mind about me, would that make me want to cheat on her more or less…? If you search deep within yourself for that answer, you will find the answer is that, you would be even more faithful to her, as this kind of mindset is extremely healthy, pure, and very attractive.

No one said it would be easy. To apply the above principles can be extremely difficult. But ultimately, to live the way you have been living and continuing to feel betrayed and wrestling with forgiveness and losing sleep over what did or didn’t happen, is much more difficult.

Imagine the peace, serenity and personal power you could constantly feel if you chose to live with the above mindsets…